Sex Quotes

“Condoms aren’t completely safe. A friend of mine was wearing one and got hit by a bus.” Bob Rubin

 

“Remember, if you smoke after sex you’re doing it too fast.” Woody Allen

 

“The best contraceptive is the word no - repeated frequently.” Margaret Smith

 

“Men get laid, but women get screwed.” Quentin Crisp

 

“Sex. In America an obsession. In other parts of the world a fact.” Marlene Dietrich

 

“When a man talks dirty to a woman, it’s sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it’s $3.95 a minute.” Author Unknown

 

“Sex on television can’t hurt you unless you fall off.” Author Unknown

 

“Familiarity breeds contempt - and children.” Mark Twain

 

“We all worry about the population explosion, but we don’t worry about it at the right time.” Arthur Hoppe

 

“There’s nothing better than good sex. But bad sex? A peanut butter and jelly sandwich is better than bad sex.” Billy Joel

 

“When a guy goes to a hooker, he’s not paying her for sex, he’s paying her to leave.” Author Unknown

 

“A dirty book is rarely dusty.” Author Unknown

 

“If you use the electric vibrator near water, you will come and go at the same time.” Louise Sammons

 

“I think I could fall madly in bed with you.”Author Unknown

“Flies spread disease - keep yours zipped.” Author Unknown

 

“There are a number of mechanical devices which increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief among these is the Mercedes-Benz 380SL convertible.” P.J. O’Rourke

 

“I’m not cheap, but I am on special this week.” Author Unknown

 

“To succeed with the opposite sex, tell her you’re impotent. She can’t wait to disprove it.” Cary Grant

 

“My message to the businessman of this country when they go abroad on business is that there is one thing above all they can take with them to stop them catching AIDS, and that is the wife.” Edwina Currie

 

“The common thread that binds nearly all animal species seems to be that males are willing to abandon all sense and decorum, even to risk their lives, in the frantic quest for sex.” Randy Thornhill and Craig T. Palmer

 

“When a man goes on a date he wonders if he is going to get lucky. A woman already knows.” Frederike Ryder

 

“Don’t worry, it only seems kinky the first time.” Author Unknown

 

“My father told me all about the birds and the bees, the liar - I went steady with a woodpecker till I was twenty-one.” Bob Hope

 

“I think men talk to women so they can sleep with them and women sleep with men so they can talk to them.” Jay McInerney

 

“An erection is like the Theory of Relativity - the more you think about it, the harder it gets.” Author Unknown

 

“A student undergoing a word-association test was asked why a snowstorm put him in mind of sex. He replied frankly: “Because everything does.” Honor Tracy