Alcohol Quotes

“Stay busy, get plenty of exercise, and don’t drink too much. Then again, don’t drink too little.” Herman Smith-Johannsen

 

“Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.” Ernest Hemingway

 

“Wine is bottled poetry.” Robert Louis Stevenson

 

“When the wine goes in, strange things come out.” Johann Christoph Friedrich von Schiller

 

“First you take a drink, then the drink takes a drink, then the drink takes you.” Francis Scott Key Fitzgerald

 

“I think a man ought to get drunk at least twice a year just on principle, so he won’t let himself get snotty about it.” Raymond Chandler

 

“If four or five guys tell you that you’re drunk, even though you know you haven’t had a thing to drink, the least you can do is to lie down a little while.” Joseph Schenck

 

“This is one of the disadvantages of wine: it makes a man mistake words for thought.” Samuel Johnson

 

“One reason I don’t drink is that I want to know when I am having a good time.” Lady Astor

 

“No animal ever invented anything so bad as drunkenness - or so good as drink.” Lord Chesterton

 

“Even though a number of people have tried, no one has yet found a way to drink for a living.” Jean Kerr

 

“We borrowed golf from Scotland as we borrowed whiskey. Not because it is Scottish, but because it is good.” Horace Hutchinson

 

“Drunkenness is temporary suicide.” Bertrand Russell

 

“Wine gives a man nothing… It only puts in motion what had been locked up in frost.” Samuel Johnson

 

“A woman drove me to drink and I never even had the courtesy to thank her.” W.C. Fields

 

“Zen martini: A martini with no vermouth at all. And no gin, either.” P.J. O’Rourke

 

“Beer is the cause and solution to all of life’s problems.” Homer Simpson

 

“I’m going to be around until the Atomic Energy Commission finds a safe place to bury my liver.” Phil Harris

 

“Drunkenness is nothing but voluntary madness.” Seneca

 

“Whoever takes just plain ginger ale soon gets drowned out of the conversation.” Kin Hubbard

 

“I drink only to make my friends seem interesting.” Don Marquis

 

“Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors… and miss.” Robert Heinlein

 

“I’d prefer to have a full bottle in front of me than a full frontal lobotomy.” Frank Nicholson

 

“Why don’t you slip out of those wet clothes and into a dry Martini?” Robert Benchley

 

“When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.” Henny Youngman

 

“My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn’t need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.” Henny Youngman

 

“One martini is all right. Two are too many, and three are not enough.” James Thurber

“I feel sorry for people who don’t drink. When they wake up in the morning, that’s as good as they’re going to feel all day.” Frank Sinatra

 

“I like to keep a bottle of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.” W.C. Fields

 

“Woman first tempted man to eat, he took to drinking of his own accord.” Four Hundred

 

“I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.” Winston Churchill

 

“Teetotallers lack the sympathy and generosity of men that drink.” W.H. Davies

 

“Drink the first. Sip the second slowly. Skip the third.” Knute Rockne

 

“Candy is dandy but liquor is quicker.” Ogden Nash

 

 

“Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.” Dave Barry

 

“Wine gives courage and makes men more apt for passion.” Ovid

 

“No poems can please for long or live that are written by water-drinkers.” Horace

 

“Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with, that it’s compounding a felony.” Robert Benchley

 

“The chief reason for drinking is the desire to behave in a certain way, and to be able to blame it on alcohol.” Mignon McLaughlin

 

“Champagne, if you are seeking the truth, is better than a lie detector. It encourages a man to be expansive, even reckless, while lie detectors are only a challenge to tell lies successfully.” Graham Greene

 

“A man who was fond of wine was offered some grapes at dessert after dinner. “Much obliged,” said he, pushing the plate aside, “I am not accustomed to take my wine in pills.” Jean Anthelme

 

“Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.” W.C. Fields

 

“It ‘s most absurdly said, in popular language, of any man, that he is disguised in liquor, for on the contrary, most men are disguised by sobriety.” Thomas de Quincy

 

“The harsh, useful things of the world, from pulling teeth to digging potatoes, are best done by men who are as starkly sober as so many convicts in the death-house, but the lovely and useless things, the charming and exhilarating things, are best done by men with, as the phrase is, a few sheets in the wind.” H.L. Mencken

 

“I like liquor - its taste and its effects - and that is just the reason why I never drink it.” Thomas Jackson